


Wrong Email

by persephone_stone



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, Crushes, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25408345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/persephone_stone/pseuds/persephone_stone
Summary: Narcissa has a problem that she needs her cousin, Sirius Black, to fix.Unfortunately for her, she can never remember his email address...and accidentally emails James Potter instead.Written for provocative_envy for her bday! Rated T for language.
Relationships: Narcissa Black Malfoy/James Potter
Comments: 41
Kudos: 137





	Wrong Email

**Author's Note:**

  * For [provocative_envy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/provocative_envy/gifts).



> This is a quick fic I wrote for the amazing [provocative_envy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/provocative_envy/pseuds/provocative_envy), one of my favorite HP fanfic authors! Seriously, if you haven't read her Chaos Theory series, you are MISSING TF OUT.
> 
> For her birthday, she posted a list of pairings/prompts on her tumblr, and I chose James/Narcissa and "wrong email." This James and Narcissa exist in a non-magical AU where they are in high school, probably in America, and use email and cell phones. So basically I changed everything except their personalities and UST, lolol.
> 
> Please enjoy, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

**From: Narcissa Black <cissybaby@wmail.com >**  
**To: James Potter <prongs@wmail.com >**  
**Sent: Saturday, July 21 at 5:05pm**  
**Subject: Hi**

Sirius,

I can never remember your stupid email address. You and your friends are the worst. What kind of nicknames are fucking Moony and Wormtail? Prongs _has_ to be you. Your dick has so many warts from fucking randos that it probably looks more like an antler.

Anyway, I really need to talk to you about something. It’s important, so don’t jerk me around. I can’t call you - my dad took my phone again. Can you email me back when you get this?

x,  
Narcissa

############

**From: James Potter < prongs@wmail.com >**  
**To: Narcissa Black < cissybaby@wmail.com >**  
**Sent: Saturday, July 21 at 5:35pm**  
**Subject: RE: Hi**

Um, this is James. Sirius’ (Sirius’s? I can never remember how to write that)...anyway, his email address is padfoot@wmail.com.

I do agree that he has fucked WAY too many randos. Not that I know what his dick looks like, or anything. I mean, he _has_ tried to show me. Multiple times. It’s kind of weird, now that I think about it.

-J

P.S. Look...I know it’s none of my business. But is everything okay?

############

**From: Narcissa Black < cissybaby@wmail.com >**  
**To: James Potter < prongs@wmail.com >**  
**Sent: Saturday, July 21 at 5:42pm**  
**Subject: RE:RE: Hi, AKA Fuck Off**

Oh, god damn it.

You’re right, it’s not any of your business. Kindly lose my email address and get back to jerking off to like, world maps or whatever weird cartography shit you guys are into. I’ve been in my cousin’s room and have seen your “projects.”

############

**From: James Potter < prongs@wmail.com >**  
**To: Narcissa Black < cissybaby@wmail.com >**  
**Sent: Saturday, July 21 at 5:50pm**  
**Subject: Rude much?**

WOW.

I was trying to be nice, but I know that’s like, a foreign language to you, so forget I said anything.

Also, for your information, Sirius and Remus and I are creating a map for a project we’re working on. A video game project. Didn’t Sirius tell you we’re developing one?

And not to be creepy, but I’ve been in _your_ room. You don’t have much room to talk about any fetishes we might have, Miss “I Have 50 Justin Bieber Posters Over My Bed.” You know he looks like a homeless meth-head, right?

-J

############

**From: Narcissa Black < cissybaby@wmail.com >**  
**To: James Potter < prongs@wmail.com >**  
**Sent: Saturday, July 21 at 5:55pm**  
**Subject: Hjdksiiikghhh**

You are the most annoying person alive.

And when THE FUCK were you in my bedroom?! Do I need to check for cameras? Perverts.

P.S. No, Sirius didn’t tell me you were developing a video game. That’s actually...kind of cool? I mean, not many seventeen year olds do that kind of thing.

P.S.S. Shut the fuck up about Justin Bieber. He has the voice of an angel and can get it.

############

**From: James Potter < prongs@wmail.com >**  
**To: Narcissa Black < cissybaby@wmail.com >**  
**Sent: Saturday, July 21 at 5:58pm**  
**Subject: Hi for real**

What can he ‘get’? Herpes? Pretty sure you can’t get that if you already have it.

Nah, it was just me and Sirius in your room. No cameras, I promise. If Peter had been with us, I would definitely tell you to check.

And yeah, we’ve been working on our game for over a year. It’s a RPG called The Marauders. We’ve had some interest from a few small gaming companies, and we’re not even finished with it yet.

Seriously though. About earlier. Are you okay?

############

**From: Narcissa Black < cissybaby@wmail.com >**  
**To: James Potter < prongs@wmail.com >**  
**Sent: Saturday, July 21 at 5:59pm**  
**Subject: RE: Hi for real**

Want to switch to chat?

############

**< Narcissa >**

Hey.

**< James >**

Hey.

**< Narcissa >**

So to answer your question.  
I’m not _not_ okay.  
But I’m not totally okay either.

**< James >**

Ok…

**< Narcissa >**

My dad is an asshole.  
A fucking asshole.  
A fucking mean asshole who took my phone because Lucius sent me a dick pic, so he thinks I’m having sex with him.

**< James >**

Aren’t you?

**< Narcissa >**

**…**  
Well.  
**…** I mean, we’ve had sex once.  
_I’ve_ had sex once.  
With Lucius, yes.

**< James >**

Oh.  
Really?  
Just once?

**< Narcissa >**

Fuck you.  
Yes, just once.  
I was a virgin and now I’m not.

**< James >**

Wait, so you had sex one time and he’s sending you dick pics? That’s kind of…

**< Narcissa >**

Normal for a teenage boy?

**< James >**

NO.  
No, I was going to say gross.

**< Narcissa >**

Oh.  
Well, he was sending me pics before that.  
Before we had sex, I mean.

**< James >**

Ew.  
Did he pressure you into it?

**< Narcissa >**

No.  
Not really.  
Like...he said we should probably break up if we weren’t going to do it, but no.

**< James >**

**…**

**< Narcissa >**

Are you still there?

**< James >**

Is this what you needed to talk to Sirius about?

**< Narcissa >**

Yeah. I need him to talk to Lucius.  
Let him know what happened with my dad.  
Tell him I’m sorry and will call him when I get my phone back.

**< James >**

**…**  
What the fuck, Narcissa.

**< Narcissa >**

What?

**< James >**

Look, if you’re going to tell Lucius anything, it should be to kick rocks.  
Dude sexually harasses you for who knows how long.  
Pressures you into having sex—probably before you were really ready.  
Then gets you in trouble with your asshole dad by sending you another picture of his gross dong?  
Don’t apologize to that asshole.

**< Narcissa >**

I don’t know why I told you that.  
You don’t understand.

**< James >**

You’re right, I don’t.  
You’re too good for that douchebag.  
You’re smart, and actually pretty funny, and the fucking hottest girl I’ve ever seen.  
You could have anyone you wanted.  
Anyone.

**< Narcissa >**

James, I—

_*James is offline*_

############

**From: SIRIUS BLACK < padfoot@wmail.com >**  
**To: Narcissa Black <cissybaby@wmail.com >**  
**Sent: Saturday, July 21 at 11:58pm**  
**Subject: WHAT THE FUCK BRO**

DUDE. WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BOY JAMES?

j called me up and said he wanted to crash scabior’s party. so we went to this scary ass house in the fucking woods with a bunch of douchebags. james is on a mission, right, like he’s looking for someone. and then we see your inbred boyfriend, laughing and playing flip cup, and james just marches the fuck up to him and tears him a new asshole, telling him what a dick he is and how he should get down on his knees and thank whatever demon that sired him (fucking sired, can you believe he said that shit?) that he was lucky enough to have what other people might actually want and appreciate, and that if he didn’t _start_ appreciating it and stop treating it like shit, that james was going to kick his fucking ass.

like, the thought of james actually getting into a fight is fucking hilarious, but he was kind of scary in the moment, so you wouldn’t have even known he can’t fight for shit.

so anyway, then lucius says something about james’ (james’s? i don’t fucking know) mom getting down on her knees, and i was sure james was going to punch him, lack of fighting skills be damned, but he just said—and i fucking quote—“you’re not worth it” and turned around and walked out. i stood there like a dumbass for a minute (shut up, i know you’re going to say i’m always a dumbass, but i’m not) before taking off after him. when we were driving back home and i was finally able to ask him like, what the fuck james, he just said—and i fucking quote again—she deserves better than him.

i don’t know if you know this, cuz, but i am a pretty smart person. i knew he was talking about you. homeboy has had a crush on you since, i don’t even know...5th grade? so i don’t really know what prompted all this tonight, but do me a favor. if you don’t like him, or if you’re mad about what he did? let him down easy. he’s a good guy.

############

 **(12:30am)** james?

are you awake?

it’s narcissa

**(12:31am)** yeah, i’m awake

thought you got your phone taken away

**(12:32am)** i did.

my mom gave it back when i told her what happened.

like, i told her everything. it was super embarrassing.

did you really drive all the way out to scabior’s house to threaten lucius?

**(12:33am)** i did.

**(12:34am)** i can’t believe you did that

**(12:34am)** why not?

**(12:35am)** i don’t know james. maybe because no one has ever done anything like that for me before?

maybe because i never thought you even liked me?

maybe because everyone’s afraid of lucius, even though he cries after he orgasms?

**(12:36am)** woah, you cannot drop info like that on me. he cries? seriously?

lololololol

but i mean…

i had to do something.

it’s not cool for lucius to treat you like that.

 **(12:38am)** narcissa? you still there?

**(12:39am)** do you really think i’m smart?

**(12:40am)** yeah.

**(12:40am)** and funny?

**(12:41am)** well i think i said ‘pretty funny,’ but yeah.

**(12:42am)** and the hottest girl you’ve ever seen?

**(12:43am)** fuck yeah.

**(12:44am)** and have you really had a crush on me since 5th grade?

**(12:46am)** i’m going to kill sirius.

but...yeah.

**(12:47am)** ask me.

**(12:48am)** ask you what?

**(12:49am)** ask me how long i’ve had a crush on you.

**(12:50am)** that’s not funny.

**(12:51am)** i’m not trying to be funny.

**(12:52am)** i know you can’t see me, but i’m like, so nervous i can barely hold onto my phone.

how long have you had a crush on me?

**(12:53am)** since 7th grade.

**(12:53am)** holy fuck.

**(12:54am)** narcissa, can i call you?

i’m going to call you.

pick up. ok?

**(12:55am)** ok.

############

**From: SIRIUS BLACK < padfoot@wmail.com >**  
**To: Narcissa Black < cissybaby@wmail.com >, James Potter <prongs@wmail.com >**  
**Sent: Monday, July 23 at 3:30pm**  
**Subject: HOW DARE YOU**

dude. what the hell is going on. first you both act weird AS FUCK all weekend. can’t get ahold of either of you after the shitshow at scabior’s, like you both just up and disappeared.

THEN you’re both MIA at school for most of the morning.

THEN i find you fucking MAKING OUT in the parking lot at lunch??!?!?!

like i get it, you two have had boners for each other for years and didn’t know how the other one felt until narcissa “accidentally” emailed james and then james “heroically” defended narcissa and you probably talked all weekend and narcissa dumped lucius’ (lucius’s?) ass and james took his shot and now you’re all dating and in love and whatever.

but fuck. if you’re going to date, YOU COULD AT LEAST TELL YOUR COUSIN/BEST FRIEND/PERSON WHO DEFINITELY DOES NOT FUCK RANDOS AND HAVE WARTS ON HIS DICK before he finds you taste-testing each others’ tonsils.

love you both,  
sirius

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://persephonestone.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
